On good days the Muse brings me "presents" for my writer's mind to play with. But those days are rare.
I spend most of my days in front of the computer, reclusive and huddled down into my own confusion, discomforts, fears, and peculiarities. Sometimes I read and write poetry and fiction. Sometimes I go on a run, usually at night. Sometimes I eat a little of something. Sometimes I sleep a little. But I never go anywhere or do anything unless it’s absolutely necessary. There are reasons for this. But I don’t know what they are.
Life comes to a close too fast, and a lot of the times goes grim both inside and outside. That’s why life must change, must take out its trash. It needs to eat itself, as in autophagy, which is a healthy thing. Self-consumption is the process of ending. But unlike we’ve been taught, endings aren’t a bad thing. They mean This is ending so that Something Else can begin. It’s like coming to the end of a book. But life, unlike a book, has no full stops (processes continue after the heart stops and the brain dies), only commas, dashes, semi-colons, page breaks, chapters, or sections (unless you count the illusion of time; but unlike the best literature, lives have expiration dates).
I cling to everything. I cling to life because I’m afraid of un-existing and of un-possession of things because I’m afraid of exposing my fear and nakedness and inadequacies.
Being around people makes me extremely nervous. I look around for the nearest escape and make my excuses. Sometimes I’m trapped in a room with people, say, in a classroom or at dinner. I have to make sure I know where the door is and my mind flies beyond the walls and strictures to other things. Hence, I miss whatever is being said, going on. That’s not always a bad thing, but it’s rude.
Art to me is a big deal. It’s the only thing I’ve ever found that opens things up with questions. Things that aren’t art are usually more like answers. They don’t like to be changed. I like the quote (don’t know who said it) “Turn your fear into curiosity.” That’s good, because I’m fueled by fear, or rather, anxiety. A certain amount of fear is healthy. But letting it carry me is chasing an answer, while curiosity is an opened-ended question. If I ran on questions rather than answers I might actually get somewhere.
As a writer in training one of my goals is to learn how to de-familiarize myself with everything. Things and places and people I see every day. I want to see all of it with new eyes. I want to write about it with new eyes. But this will take some doing. I’m working on it like a turtle crossing the highway backwards, up-hill.
The title of this post is a nod to the masterpiece, Flann O’Brien’s At Swim Two-Birds which begins with words spoken by its protagonist Dermott Trellis (who unfortunately isn’t here to defend himself)
Having placed in my mouth sufficient bread for three minutes’ chewing, I withdrew my powers of sensual perception and retired into the privacy of my mind, my eyes and face assuming a vacant and preoccupied expression. I reflected on the subject of my spare-time literary activities. One beginning and one ending for a book was a thing I did not agree with. A good book may have three openings entirely dissimilar and inter-related only in the prescience of the author, or for that matter one hundred times as many endings.
Exactly. Same as a good life.
Come to learn
Let us make an exchange - I provide stories, you enjoy them.
weight loss and diet tips with recips
Writing tips, tricks and secrets
... musings on creative writing and craft ...
Blog of Writer Michelle Mueller
Hi everyone! This is my blog, and this is where I post all of my stories. Writing is my favorite thing to do, and I love nothing more than this. I would appreciate it if you took the time to read my stories! If you like the blog, please share it with more people. Thank you!
I don't write, I touch without touching.
Culinary Adventures in Paleo Cooking
An Online Reader for the Permaculture Community
by po'E.T. and the colors of pi
Short fiction by Chaunce Stanton for funny people
The one thing more dangerous than a fool...
Picture a ball with sharp corners. That's me.
Articles all over the world
Gardening, Cooking, Canning, And A DIY Approach To Living!
A year spent digging in the dirt.
Live. Think. Learn. Dream. Create. Write.
A random collection of musings, shenanigans, and literary tomfoolery
An adventure in gardening for food, sustainability and family fun.
"Only connect." -E.M. Forster
No packaging. No trash (to speak of). Everything from scratch.
BE INSPIRED TO CREATE
"We are lost, but other animals point to the right road. They are the right road." -John Zerzan
Bringing you the latest in ideas, technologies and methods